"plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it"
I think so many people set their ideal of happiness in a box...and if things come along that don't fit just quite right into the box they disregard it. I feel like we miss so many blessings because God presents them to us by sending them in packages that we aren't looking for.
Think about it...
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Action vs. Words
I am seriously baffled, dazed and confused.
I felt that things were progressing well with someone with a lot of potential...(i and everyone else is really confused by this interaction) and now it seems to be floundering...now those of you who know me can attest to the fact that i do not try to make circle pegs into square holes...it is retarded...so i have continually retreated...the response that i have received has been...i really want to be your friend and be a part of your life i just don't want a relationship...it was said that he cant see long term potential with me and he doesn't even like that he tried to think that far in advance....he doesn't like the idea of a pre-made family...ok...great...fine...i ain't tripping...BUT the day after this convo he is at my house on a Sunday morning (we NEVER see each other on sunday) especially during the day because he is not allowed around the boys) AND he came back Sunday night...he came over yesterday night...after 5 phone calls, 7 emails and 3 texts...i thought you just wanted to be my friend?
so the question of the day for you guys is this...which is more important to you? Actions or Words...and which do you give more weight when they don't match?
See i am a action person...my background of dysfunction has moded me to not believe anything anyone says...i want to see how you act...how you treat other people and myself...that is your testimony and character statement...but maybe i am the off one? LOL
What do you think?
I felt that things were progressing well with someone with a lot of potential...(i and everyone else is really confused by this interaction) and now it seems to be floundering...now those of you who know me can attest to the fact that i do not try to make circle pegs into square holes...it is retarded...so i have continually retreated...the response that i have received has been...i really want to be your friend and be a part of your life i just don't want a relationship...it was said that he cant see long term potential with me and he doesn't even like that he tried to think that far in advance....he doesn't like the idea of a pre-made family...ok...great...fine...i ain't tripping...BUT the day after this convo he is at my house on a Sunday morning (we NEVER see each other on sunday) especially during the day because he is not allowed around the boys) AND he came back Sunday night...he came over yesterday night...after 5 phone calls, 7 emails and 3 texts...i thought you just wanted to be my friend?
so the question of the day for you guys is this...which is more important to you? Actions or Words...and which do you give more weight when they don't match?
See i am a action person...my background of dysfunction has moded me to not believe anything anyone says...i want to see how you act...how you treat other people and myself...that is your testimony and character statement...but maybe i am the off one? LOL
What do you think?
Friday, June 19, 2009
confusion
oh the irony of life...
i post the blog regarding a smile on my face and the next day the cause of my smile begins to completely freak out...
now before i begin the good news is that the freak out is over and i think things are going to be fine...but i have fallen back into guarded mode. i am just really confused.
Why when things are going so well...no issues, no problems, no disagreements much people find something to be upset about? what is it in our nature that will not allow us to just be happy/content/satisifed etc...why must we always allow our overactive imaginations to see problems that aren't there?
So yesterday began with the customary 830 ish phone call that i get every morning. i did not answer because i was still in bed. i received the 915a 'you didn't answer the phone' phone call...
we talk and i am annoyed by some things that had/had not transpired from the night before. But i am not a high maintainece chick and i don't get upset easily so honestly i wasn't tripping.
the conversations spiral from that point on until well into the evening...ranging from 'i think i am ready for a relationship but am not comfortable' to 'i like you but don't want a relationship and feel smothered'...smothered? when i never call or ask to make plans but yet he does he best to monopolize any spare time that i have...when he calls me (no exaggeration--12 to 15 times a day) but ok whatever...i can't say i am not blindsided and hurt but then i put my counselor's hat on...and i evualuate and think about the prior two days...oh...i see the issue now...i have proven myself worthy and capable of being around long term...he even commented about what a wonderful wife i will make someone...so what we are seeing is retreat and wall up...
now at this point and time he is reflected and realizes that he was a "jerkface"...and we agreed that we would continue to take things slow (which is what we were doing to begin with) and he even stated that he thinks he can get used to the idea that i have children...(because this came up too and i told him that because of his views of it...he would never meet them and that i would never allow myself to look at him long term...because how could we ever get to a long term status if you can't accept my beautifully rotten blue eyed boys!?!?)
so the moral of my long winded story and so the question becomes and what i need help with is why do people sabatoge a good thing...why do we allow our fears to keep us from things that we see potential happiness in... why is it more appealling to people (primarily men but women do it to) to be alone and sometimes lonely than put in the effort that becomes a partnership--why is the word "relationship" such a bad word...lol
what are your thoughts? i would love to hear it...and for those of you all that continue to follow me...thanks for the encouragments and welcoming me back to blogging!!!
have a fantastic friday
i post the blog regarding a smile on my face and the next day the cause of my smile begins to completely freak out...
now before i begin the good news is that the freak out is over and i think things are going to be fine...but i have fallen back into guarded mode. i am just really confused.
Why when things are going so well...no issues, no problems, no disagreements much people find something to be upset about? what is it in our nature that will not allow us to just be happy/content/satisifed etc...why must we always allow our overactive imaginations to see problems that aren't there?
So yesterday began with the customary 830 ish phone call that i get every morning. i did not answer because i was still in bed. i received the 915a 'you didn't answer the phone' phone call...
we talk and i am annoyed by some things that had/had not transpired from the night before. But i am not a high maintainece chick and i don't get upset easily so honestly i wasn't tripping.
the conversations spiral from that point on until well into the evening...ranging from 'i think i am ready for a relationship but am not comfortable' to 'i like you but don't want a relationship and feel smothered'...smothered? when i never call or ask to make plans but yet he does he best to monopolize any spare time that i have...when he calls me (no exaggeration--12 to 15 times a day) but ok whatever...i can't say i am not blindsided and hurt but then i put my counselor's hat on...and i evualuate and think about the prior two days...oh...i see the issue now...i have proven myself worthy and capable of being around long term...he even commented about what a wonderful wife i will make someone...so what we are seeing is retreat and wall up...
now at this point and time he is reflected and realizes that he was a "jerkface"...and we agreed that we would continue to take things slow (which is what we were doing to begin with) and he even stated that he thinks he can get used to the idea that i have children...(because this came up too and i told him that because of his views of it...he would never meet them and that i would never allow myself to look at him long term...because how could we ever get to a long term status if you can't accept my beautifully rotten blue eyed boys!?!?)
so the moral of my long winded story and so the question becomes and what i need help with is why do people sabatoge a good thing...why do we allow our fears to keep us from things that we see potential happiness in... why is it more appealling to people (primarily men but women do it to) to be alone and sometimes lonely than put in the effort that becomes a partnership--why is the word "relationship" such a bad word...lol
what are your thoughts? i would love to hear it...and for those of you all that continue to follow me...thanks for the encouragments and welcoming me back to blogging!!!
have a fantastic friday
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Smile on my Face
so it is amazing how life throws so many twists and turns at you.
i wish i was better at blogging...but i am working on it. i have discovered a new sense of discipline and anyone who knows me is probably saying, "its about time" :-)
But this discipline is the result of meeting someone new...i try whenever i meet someone to learn from them and to find something about them that i admire and need to apply to my life to become a better person. Well this story begins 2 months ago tomorrow. i was a bridesmaid in my little sister's wedding. i was heading to the rehearsal dinner dreading it because as beautiful as weddings are i hate the pomp and circumstance of it all...plus i had plans that evening that i was really excited for. so i get to the church...the only one of the bridal party there (the bride and groom wasn't even there) so i play on my phone for a while...fast forward...others arrive including all of the groomsmen...so i am introduced to the guy that i am to walk with...of course i already spotted him...he was a cute guy with nice swag but he was the shortest and i KNEW i was going to be the shortest bridesmaid...we chat and laugh and joke and the ease of which it all is happening kinda takes me back...fast forward...our interactions continue through to the next day and after a very enlightening conversation of which i am sure that he isn't interested and he in the next breath surprises me by asking for my number...
well fast forward 2 months and things are progressing surprisingly well...i learned from the past to slow way down so i am holding on to my emotions and allowing things to develop slowly and he has taught me so much and has inspired me on so many different levels. This discipline that he exudes has rubbed off on my and i have become such a more productive person...i am more disciplined at work, at home, i exercise a very intense P90X workout EVERY night...haven't skipped yet and i am just so proud of myself.
Now am i not saying that this is my soulmate and my future husband...no...there is a lot of potential but i won't allow myself to get caught up like that yet...but i am so grateful that i have met him and have grown so much from knowing him...
this is not the direction that i wanted to go with this blog but i want to get back into the habit of blogging and the only way to do it is to start...so this is the way it happened today and i will blog again soon!
Thanks for listening to my rambles.
i wish i was better at blogging...but i am working on it. i have discovered a new sense of discipline and anyone who knows me is probably saying, "its about time" :-)
But this discipline is the result of meeting someone new...i try whenever i meet someone to learn from them and to find something about them that i admire and need to apply to my life to become a better person. Well this story begins 2 months ago tomorrow. i was a bridesmaid in my little sister's wedding. i was heading to the rehearsal dinner dreading it because as beautiful as weddings are i hate the pomp and circumstance of it all...plus i had plans that evening that i was really excited for. so i get to the church...the only one of the bridal party there (the bride and groom wasn't even there) so i play on my phone for a while...fast forward...others arrive including all of the groomsmen...so i am introduced to the guy that i am to walk with...of course i already spotted him...he was a cute guy with nice swag but he was the shortest and i KNEW i was going to be the shortest bridesmaid...we chat and laugh and joke and the ease of which it all is happening kinda takes me back...fast forward...our interactions continue through to the next day and after a very enlightening conversation of which i am sure that he isn't interested and he in the next breath surprises me by asking for my number...
well fast forward 2 months and things are progressing surprisingly well...i learned from the past to slow way down so i am holding on to my emotions and allowing things to develop slowly and he has taught me so much and has inspired me on so many different levels. This discipline that he exudes has rubbed off on my and i have become such a more productive person...i am more disciplined at work, at home, i exercise a very intense P90X workout EVERY night...haven't skipped yet and i am just so proud of myself.
Now am i not saying that this is my soulmate and my future husband...no...there is a lot of potential but i won't allow myself to get caught up like that yet...but i am so grateful that i have met him and have grown so much from knowing him...
this is not the direction that i wanted to go with this blog but i want to get back into the habit of blogging and the only way to do it is to start...so this is the way it happened today and i will blog again soon!
Thanks for listening to my rambles.
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