oh the irony of life...
i post the blog regarding a smile on my face and the next day the cause of my smile begins to completely freak out...
now before i begin the good news is that the freak out is over and i think things are going to be fine...but i have fallen back into guarded mode. i am just really confused.
Why when things are going so well...no issues, no problems, no disagreements much people find something to be upset about? what is it in our nature that will not allow us to just be happy/content/satisifed etc...why must we always allow our overactive imaginations to see problems that aren't there?
So yesterday began with the customary 830 ish phone call that i get every morning. i did not answer because i was still in bed. i received the 915a 'you didn't answer the phone' phone call...
we talk and i am annoyed by some things that had/had not transpired from the night before. But i am not a high maintainece chick and i don't get upset easily so honestly i wasn't tripping.
the conversations spiral from that point on until well into the evening...ranging from 'i think i am ready for a relationship but am not comfortable' to 'i like you but don't want a relationship and feel smothered'...smothered? when i never call or ask to make plans but yet he does he best to monopolize any spare time that i have...when he calls me (no exaggeration--12 to 15 times a day) but ok whatever...i can't say i am not blindsided and hurt but then i put my counselor's hat on...and i evualuate and think about the prior two days...oh...i see the issue now...i have proven myself worthy and capable of being around long term...he even commented about what a wonderful wife i will make someone...so what we are seeing is retreat and wall up...
now at this point and time he is reflected and realizes that he was a "jerkface"...and we agreed that we would continue to take things slow (which is what we were doing to begin with) and he even stated that he thinks he can get used to the idea that i have children...(because this came up too and i told him that because of his views of it...he would never meet them and that i would never allow myself to look at him long term...because how could we ever get to a long term status if you can't accept my beautifully rotten blue eyed boys!?!?)
so the moral of my long winded story and so the question becomes and what i need help with is why do people sabatoge a good thing...why do we allow our fears to keep us from things that we see potential happiness in... why is it more appealling to people (primarily men but women do it to) to be alone and sometimes lonely than put in the effort that becomes a partnership--why is the word "relationship" such a bad word...lol
what are your thoughts? i would love to hear it...and for those of you all that continue to follow me...thanks for the encouragments and welcoming me back to blogging!!!
have a fantastic friday
the cycle of people lol....outside of the easy answers of fear...been hurt before...hesitant..etc...
ReplyDeleteput simply...it's easier...it's easier to sit back and accept the lonely state one is already in than it is to WORK and be better...OOR work towards something that ends up not working out....people focus too much on the end result (NATURALLY)...rather than the process as a whole...
i think when it comes to men it's not so much about being lonely because whether they admit it or not, men want to have a companion just as much as if not more in some cases than women...men just aren't as emotionally divested and attached as quickly and as long as women are...men are more head over heart type individuals...but when they do find something that captures their heart they are very passionate....
one can look at it in a multitude of ways...but what it comes down to is if someone doesn't want to do it they just won't...