inspiration

Finding my voice again. Sigh. Someone wants me to be inspiration to them. Are you kidding? I can barely inspire myself. I am in a stunted, drinking too much for my own good, trying to hide and just ugly state…How is that inspirational? I am trying to live my truth while everyone around me is trying to make you work so hard to be better, feel guilty cuz you aren’t better. But you know what??? I used to be the best…and now…I am just trying to figure it out. You know why? Sometimes you can’t always be the best. And when you are the best…folks try to align themselves with you and it just makes you doubt, and fail, and fall. So what am I inspiring? Being pitiful, apathetic and drunk? That isn’t what I want my legacy to be. I can’t inspire anyone…but he has a voice, something to say…important things to accomplish. He is amazing and has so much to contribute…while I am just trying not to drown in my own ugly. I am lost…remembered for past accomplishments that mean nothing now and its time to acknowledge that I am nothing now. I can’t inspire anything. And that hurts me and it makes me cry but it is the truth…and you have to live in the truth in order to make any changes. After years of being exceptional…I am average. I can’t inspire when I am not inspired. I survive everyday…in the midst of all I feel, know and believe. I am still here, I am still standing (even though its barely) So find your inspiration there.