Coming to Terms

So things aren't always easy but I am getting used to the roles that I have been chosen to live.
It isn't ideal on any level but I realize that this is the only shot at this life that I get. To waste it away pining for things that aren't for me to have right now. I am learning day by day to be happy with what I have been blessed with. Because regardless, my blessings are bountiful. And my life isn't meant to look like the next persons. Things that are for me aren't for the next man and what is meant for the next one isn't necessarily meant for me. I am learning. I am smiling. I am singing my song to the tune that I think is being played for me. We will see what happens.

questions

How do you come to terms with the fact that you aren't important. That maybe one day you could be...and that on some days you might be...but overall you don't matter. You don't warrant a title...you don't matter enough to call. How do you live with that when you give all that you can, all that you are and all that you would ever desire to be to make someone happy.

when the circumstances are frustrating but you cannot do anything but stick them out. How do you deal with the emotions? When you love but are seen as a distraction or maybe not even given that much consideration. How do you handle the rejection, the love in your heart, the terms of the relationship? What do you do when you feel you know how you should act but to act that way would ruin any future hope because you are actually honest and pure in your intent and your behavior.

I am frustrated, used up, tired, and i just want the person who has my heart to give me the affection and love i deserve back. I understand why he can't but it doesn't make any day easier to get through or make it any easier to sleep at night.

I am just saying!

Contemplation

It has been some time since i have posted something.
I have missed you all. When HE was seperated from my life...i lost all desire to be creative, to be published, to write to you all...but i think it is a part of me. I am better for it all...but i am not where i should be. I have found someone else. someone who i know is the missing piece to my puzzle...but he doesn't know it, doesn't believe it, won't consider it. Am i a sucker for a lost cause or what? But i can't walk away, and i don't wanna lose him so i come back to where i belong...to write and express and use creativity to get out what is so deep in my heart. The world feels like it is resting on my small shoulders sometimes. I don't mind. It is a nice fit there and I am proud that it choses me to rest on...but i still need an outlet...between bettering myself, raising men and changing the world one deliquent at a time...it is nice to find somewhere that i can just **sigh**

this won't be the last you see of me!