So i have been trying really hard to get back into writing again, making myself write something, ANYTHING...even if it is total crap. Because, hey, you gotta start somewhere right. Well, lately it seems like i am just putting words on pages. No real meaning, no real message, flat and almost boring. Maybe it is time to re-evaluate my topics. If i am writing about things that i am not passionate or into right now...how are my words going to create a picture worth viewing. I have tried to focus on love and healing. but maybe, i am still numb and a bit broken and far from healed...how in the hell am i supposed to write about those things.
Healing is a process, we all know that. Maybe i should read up on the "healing process" and maybe put myself through an impromptu counseling session. Take a step back and identify my behaviors and where they are stemming from and start writing about MY process. What i can remember of it? I am not sure if my journals reflect any of that. i don't think i let myself feel a lot of anything for a while.
I am stagnate and unsure where to go from here. i know that i want to "live my best life" and to some degree, i can picture it...but i don't know what steps to take to make it happen. I want to laugh more, drink socially (not to function) i want to be healthier and eat good food. i want to be a better friend and a more present mother. i want a beautiful home. Most importantly, i want to feel like the sun is shining even on the cloudiest days. i want to get out of this fog and out of the gloom that has engulfed me. My life has some really bright spots in it. Even though they feel very dim through my lenses right now. I need new lenses. I don't know where to start.
You still got it I see. It seems as if your thoughts have never left the page.
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